Please don't leave me here!

God saved me at the ripe age of 14. June 11 this year marked 14 years of walking with the Lord. Looking back, I can only say, "Time flies when you are having fun."

After leaving home in 2013, I found myself returning to live with my parents just to get back on my feet. A lot has changed in my childhood neighborhood. All of my friends have grown as I have, but there is a distinguishing factor between us. They still continue in the lifestyle we learned growing up. A very detrimental lifestyle.

When I got saved, I would invite them to church and couldn't understand why they did not want to commit to Christ. I wondered what was so difficult. I concluded they were just God-hating heathens willingly opposing the truth. This was partly true but negatively affected the way I saw people in general.

I used to look at people struggling in life and wonder why they didn't just do this or that to get their lives together. Why were they allowing themselves to suffer like this? I mean, it had been years of difficulty - weren't they tired of living this way?

I never understood their struggle and addiction until I was in their shoes. Before I got saved, I did not wrestle with serious sin, and there was not much to be delivered from. I thought other believers were just too worldly or unspiritual to be struggling with this or that. I thought they should just pray and overcome.

However, a few years down the road, due to some bad choices, I was caught in a spider's web - a dilemma I just could not get out of. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but stopping was a different war. I could not turn to God for help because I was so ashamed. I could not turn to my friends because I was hurting them. And I could not enjoy the sin because I knew too much truth - a terrible threefold problem. Every night, I would stare at the ceiling wondering when this cycle of sin would end. I remember praying to God, "Father, please don't leave me here! Please don't leave me here. I don't like this but I don't know how to stop. Please don't leave me here" This was all I could pray, with tears running down my face. It was a prayer for mercy in a helpless situation.

There is great despair when you are far from God. I felt that thick black wall of separation from my Creator. It is not the fires of hell that I fear; it is the hopelessness, knowing you are in an awful place and that God is not coming to save you. I believe this is the real definition of Hell.

When I was delivered from this cycle of sin, my heart toward those struggling became softer. I saw them with grace and ministered to them with care and prayer. I have been where they are, felt their pain, and fought their battles. I have been the struggling Christian. I have been the addicted Christian. I have been the compromising Christian. I have been the sinning Christian, and I have been the hypocrite. If we don't throw ourselves at the feet of Jesus and cry for mercy and help, we deceive ourselves.

When you are in a helpless situation, pray this: "Father, please don't leave me there. Please don't leave me here."