Celebrate Your Friends

This is a difficult one; I too struggled with it for years. But why is it so difficult to celebrate others when they succeed? I think it is because, deep down, we wish it was us. “I wish it was me who hit the jackpot or got lucky.”

How is your attitude when your friend is being celebrated? How is the posture of your heart when your friend is the focus of everyone’s attention? Do you somehow wish it was you instead of them? Do you secretly wish it was your birthday and you got all the gifts, all the praise, and well wishes? Do you wish it was you who got the promotion instead of them? Are you more deserving of the good that is happening to them?

Trust me, it is very difficult to feel as if you are fading into the background while your friend is taking the spotlight. It is tough when they so easily get the thing you have been praying and working hard for, and their success seems to question your self-worth. These are issues we tend to ignore, but they are the very things that eat us from deep inside. They make us lose sleep at night. These are issues that need to be dealt with.

This also shows when someone shares a story or experience and you always have a better version to share. It is like your story is better or crazier than theirs. Now they have to stop talking and listen to you. If they share how they managed to save their first N$100, instead of celebrating them, you boast about how you have been saving N$1000 for months.

When you do these things you are not being a good friend, and you need to take a chill and assess your intentions. You cannot thrive on the feeling of always being better or more blessed than your friend.

It is normal and a good thing that your close friend becomes successful. This is your opportunity to show them that you are proud and celebrate them for their success. True friendship is not only tested in difficult times, but in how you treat your friend when they succeed.

What if, instead of cutting them off, you actually listen to what they have to say? You support their story and make them enjoy the spotlight. If they achieve something big in life, do celebrate them. Praise them for their achievement not only with words, but with actions. Go buy a small gift as a token of celebration, write a congratulations message, and let them know how happy you are that they are winning in life. Have a genuine smile and be happy that things are working out well for them.

Allow your friend to enjoy the spotlight. Be the friend who celebrates them.

Define Your Success

    

                        

With the new year, you might have written down goals or simply have them in your mind as things you want to achieve. Either way, the new year feels like a fresh start, a chance to do things differently. For some of us, including me, it feels like being a newborn baby, given another year to get our act together and truly live. Whether you feel like a newborn or not, the truth is that you want to improve.

Before we talk about success, I believe we need to define what success looks like for you. Not for Anna, not for Phillip, but for you.

Last year, Maria bought a house in Osona. She now drives a Polo and went on a trip to the coast, sipping wine with her girlfriends. When I see her status, I feel terrible because I am still renting, I still have an Android phone, and God knows the only money I have is for transport to work and back, just enough to last me until the end of January. The question is this: if you have not achieved what Maria has, does it mean you failed? Well, it depends.

Before we decide whether you have failed or not, let’s define what success looks like to you. What are the things that, if you achieve them, will make you feel like you have accomplished your life goals? Not only life goals, but also yearly goals, monthly goals and daily goals. If your definition of success is to buy a house and drive a Polo in one year, and you have not done so, then you did not succeed in that year. But if that was not your definition of success, why do you beat yourself up for not achieving those things?

Have you actually written down what being successful looks like to you?

Many of us do not really know what we want because we think that achieving what others have achieved is the only way to be successful and then look to social media to seek validation.

What are the things that, if you achieve them, will bring satisfaction to your life? For Amos, success is to buy three goats and chicken feed. For Shunai success is to heal from the passing of her mom. For Hendrik, success is to start buying groceries to help his parents at home. For Hileni, success is to finish installing a water pipe for her mother in the north so she no longer has to walk long distances to fetch water. 

You need to clearly define what success looks like for You.

It is time to buy yourself a N$50 journal from PEP and call it “My Success Journal.” In that journal, write down the things that, if you achieve them in one month, will make you feel successful, as well as goals for six months, one year, and five years. Be realistic about your abilities and where you currently are. Here is an example.

I have 12 months in the year, so by 31 December 2026, I would like to:

    • Save N$1200 in Shoprite savings stamps.
    • Learn how to bake cookies and cakes.
    • Spend more time with my family.

You then take these three goals and break them down across the 12 months. Ask yourself what activities can I do each month to help me succeed come 31 December 2026.

    • Every month, I will buy N$100 worth of Shoprite savings stamps and hide them under my bed mattress.
    • Every month, I will buy easy mix and try to bake something new.
    • Every month, I will do something fun with my family, even if it does not cost much.

You will track your progress in your Success Journal every time you do something towards your goals. You will also write down ways you can improve next month. Maybe save N$120 next month, maybe add icing to the cupcakes, or maybe try a TikTok challenge with the family where the winner does not do chores for the week 🤣.

These small successes give birth to big successes. Celebrating your small wins gives you the courage to aim higher and do better. As the year goes on, you can review your progress and see if you are able to add another goal that you can realistically achieve. You should also write down success goals for the next five years.

In five years, I would like to:
    • Year 1: Have a driver’s license.
    • Year 2: Get a better job.
    • Year 3: Buy a car that I can afford to maintain monthly.
    • Year 4: Graduate with an Honours degree or a Master’s degree.
    • Year 5: Move to the coast.

By the time you achieve these things, you will be successful because they align with your own definition of success. They are special because they are goals you chose for yourself, not goals defined by others. You decide how you want your life to turn out, and you actively move in that direction.

The takeaway is simple: write down your goals for success and read them every day when you wake up and before you go to sleep.

- Take ACTION, ACTION, ACTION daily -

Habakkuk 2:2 And the Lord answered me, and said, Write down the vision, and make it plain upon tables/journal, so that the one who reads it may run with it and achieve it.

Don't Apologize

 

There is a growing mindset that says success must be hidden and privilege must be apologized for. As if doing well in life is something to feel guilty about. This way of thinking pressures people to shrink themselves, to pretend they are struggling, and to deny themselves enjoyment of what they have.

It is time to say this clearly: “You should never apologize for making it in life”.

Do not feel forced to look poor or suffer just to fit into what others think is acceptable. There is nothing good about shrinking yourself to keep others comfortable.

If you have a good start, a respected name, access to education, opportunities or inheritance, it is likely because someone before you was disciplined, wise, and willing to sacrifice.

“A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children” (Proverbs 13:22).

That is not chance, it is legacy passed down.

Yes, privilege is a real and complex thing. Some people start further ahead than others. That should be acknowledged. But acknowledgement should not turn into shame. You do not need to deny yourself the benefits of your work or your family’s work to prove compassion.

If you can afford a good phone, a car, a home, private school, healthcare or vacation, by all means go and get it. You worked for it. Do not suffer on purpose because others are not where you are.

And if you think you are not privileged, think again. You live in a free country, with peace, access to information, clean water, and the freedom to choose your path. That alone is privilege created by those before you. “Their blood waters our Freedom”.

Now it is your turn.

Work hard so your children do not have to start from zero. Accept that you may not fully enjoy the future you are building and that is okay. This is how generational progress is made. It always starts with one person, YOU.

 

So, Don’t Apologize.

Enjoy what has been built for you, and start building something better for those who come after you.

Please don't leave me here!

God saved me at the ripe age of 14. June 11 this year marked 14 years of walking with the Lord. Looking back, I can only say, "Time flies when you are having fun."

After leaving home in 2013, I found myself returning to live with my parents just to get back on my feet. A lot has changed in my childhood neighborhood. All of my friends have grown as I have, but there is a distinguishing factor between us. They still continue in the lifestyle we learned growing up. A very detrimental lifestyle.

When I got saved, I would invite them to church and couldn't understand why they did not want to commit to Christ. I wondered what was so difficult. I concluded they were just God-hating heathens willingly opposing the truth. This was partly true but negatively affected the way I saw people in general.

I used to look at people struggling in life and wonder why they didn't just do this or that to get their lives together. Why were they allowing themselves to suffer like this? I mean, it had been years of difficulty - weren't they tired of living this way?

I never understood their struggle and addiction until I was in their shoes. Before I got saved, I did not wrestle with serious sin, and there was not much to be delivered from. I thought other believers were just too worldly or unspiritual to be struggling with this or that. I thought they should just pray and overcome.

However, a few years down the road, due to some bad choices, I was caught in a spider's web - a dilemma I just could not get out of. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but stopping was a different war. I could not turn to God for help because I was so ashamed. I could not turn to my friends because I was hurting them. And I could not enjoy the sin because I knew too much truth - a terrible threefold problem. Every night, I would stare at the ceiling wondering when this cycle of sin would end. I remember praying to God, "Father, please don't leave me here! Please don't leave me here. I don't like this but I don't know how to stop. Please don't leave me here" This was all I could pray, with tears running down my face. It was a prayer for mercy in a helpless situation.

There is great despair when you are far from God. I felt that thick black wall of separation from my Creator. It is not the fires of hell that I fear; it is the hopelessness, knowing you are in an awful place and that God is not coming to save you. I believe this is the real definition of Hell.

When I was delivered from this cycle of sin, my heart toward those struggling became softer. I saw them with grace and ministered to them with care and prayer. I have been where they are, felt their pain, and fought their battles. I have been the struggling Christian. I have been the addicted Christian. I have been the compromising Christian. I have been the sinning Christian, and I have been the hypocrite. If we don't throw ourselves at the feet of Jesus and cry for mercy and help, we deceive ourselves.

When you are in a helpless situation, pray this: "Father, please don't leave me there. Please don't leave me here."

Desire vs God

There is competition for our attention; every minute, someone or something is seeking to capture and win our minds for themselves, to bend our will to a certain agenda, to a particular cause. "Buy this, believe that, go here, not there" – peer pressure is real, and nobody can say they are independent of these forces. Why you dress the way you do, speak the way you do, or think the way you do is due to some level of external influence. 

Last year, I fell for the Red Pillers; I mean, they appealed to every desire that I had. The shared experience, the go-getter mindset, make-money, get-women, and live the life of a king – the idea of a monogamous lifestyle just did not make sense anymore. Although this did not materialize, the way I spoke began to change, conforming to this new narrative of money and relationships. I was caught between two worlds: one was my experience and what appealed to my natural instinct, and the other was what I saw being portrayed in my church community. I saw solid, monogamous families and was surrounded by them almost everywhere I went, but when I returned to my room, I was faced with the reality of my situation and was sucked in by the Red Pillers. I felt like my brain was short-circuiting whenever this issue came to mind.

I continuously wrestled with my desires or God's way, my experience versus the truth, the former carrying so much weight fueled by the mass media of the age, but a tug was pulling in the opposing direction, calling me not to lean on my experience or my own understanding. A War of Worlds it is.

I end with this;

"For the weapons of my warfare are not flesh and blood, but they are mighty through God, to the pulling down of strongholds and casting down imaginations and every high thing that tries to exalt itself against the knowledge of Christ. I bring them all captive to obey him.

To all my desires, no matter how liberating they may seem, to all my imaginations, no matter how innocent they may be. To all my experiences that try to shape my beliefs, no matter how valid and justifiable actions they may evoke. Every worldview, every ideology that I subscribe to – I submit to the revealed will and word of Christ. May all that I hold dear bow in obedience to Jesus. All must bow before his feet, for he is worthy of a life surrendered unto him, holy and set apart. For this is my reasonable service unto him."

These things take time

Over the past 2 years, I have rather become a workaholic. Energy drinks, upon energy drinks, have been keeping me on the grind late into the night and sometimes till sunrise. "What am I working on?" you may ask. Well, that's a story for another day, lol.

One Saturday afternoon, after much work, as I was driving, I experienced a battery failure, and my uncle came to tow me home. I was not happy and became very frustrated as the entire process took so much of my time, which I would have spent doing something productive. We arrived home, and as I was removing items from the car, I knocked my head on the rear door frame. It hurt so bad that I held my head, and my uncle, who was standing by, heard the bang and came to comfort me. "Son, why are you in such a hurry with everything?" he asked. I sunk into the back seat and began to cry, not because of the pain in my head, but because I felt like a complete failure. Everything I have worked on to this point has not produced any results. Things took so much time, and I was burning money pouring into a business I believed in. Down to my last dollar, and that was it. I went straight to bed, and the weeping did not stop. I cried and cried my soul out. What am I doing wrong? Why does it seem so impossible to break through after more than 2 years of hard work?

I will answer this question in a few with another story to bring it home.

A friend recently took me out. We had a good conversation, and afterwards, he walked me to the parking lot and asked me to guess which was his new car. Afterwards, he pressed a button, and a luxury car unlocked in front of me. My eyes popped wide open, and I genuinely began to celebrate him for his achievement. I mean, he has really worked hard for this and deserves every bit of his new car and much more. He drove and I sat there as a co-pilot in this beast of a machine, "Respect the Beama". There were so many buttons and lights around me, and I smiled like a little kid in a candy room. 

That night I sat outside drinking some coffee, staring down at the city lights, which has become my form of meditation. I thought to myself, when will it be my time? When will I see the fruits of my labour? It was dead quiet, and as a whisper, a thought came to my mind, “These Things Take Time”. I felt so much relief as I sat there softly saying those words. A weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Just because things are taking longer than you expect, it does not mean that your dreams are dead and unachievable. Some dreams take more time to materialise, therefore do not chuck them. You should be happy that good things take time because you are not just building something to come and go on a whim. Rome was not built in a day; I know it is a cliché, but know this: Your vision and your dreams will take time, and I pray that you will be steadfast until they materialise. If it is important to you, if it is meaningful, it is truly worth the hard work and wait because; - THESE THINGS TAKE TIME -

How do they do it?

If you have read a good range of my blog posts, you will notice that I began as an unconventional writer who writes on issues of difficulty. In fact, getting things off my chest is what made me enter the blogging space, and this post is no different, so bear with me as I explore an interesting thought.

I read a quote that caught my eye. It said, "I'm in Spain, but the S is silent." I believe a lot of people are in such a situation. They sleep with pain, wake up with pain, and struggle through the day facing this Goliath. Humans in pain automatically look for a solution or a coping mechanism, and sometimes to their own detriment.

I too am in "S"pain and have been there for a while now. Yep, I smile, I laugh, and the view is good to the onlooker, but when I am alone, Goliath stands tall in front of me, reminding me of my past and how I will never find freedom and healing. Flip, it's a tough one; it's hell down here. I look around, and all I see is fear, insecurity, and a sense of doubt, a dark hole dangling self-deletion at the end.

That's when I remembered something, "Greater is He who lives in me than the Goliath who stands before." It hit me like sunlight from a dark night. This is what changed everything, and today I live with the excitement of what God will do with the sling and Stone I have. The situation has not changed, but I now have a comforter in my boat, who feels and relates to everything I'm going through.

I see loved ones try to drown Goliath with alcohol and pleasure, but Goliath cannot be drowned. He can only be defeated with the Stone. By Stone, I am referring to Jesus, the Chief Cornerstone, and for the life of me, I fail to understand how many do it without Jesus. It is too complex, difficult, and frustrating to live without Jesus, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the Comforter, and the Prince of Peace.

The one you ignore, the one you reject is the one who holds your healing from pain.

So if you wake up in the morning and are in "S"pain, try Jesus, try Jesus.